Final Destination 5 (2011)

"Death doesn't like to be cheated"

Part 5's are usually pretty bad. Why? Because it's the same story over and over again. And by part 5 everyone is pretty tired of the story. And I can see how some people may feel that way walking into and out of "Final Destination 5", after all wasn't part 4 called THE Final Destination?

With the Final Destination films the story is ALWAYS the same. The movie starts out with a hero (or heroine) having a premonition about a group of people dying and then stopping those people from dying. Then death follows each member around killing them off one by one. Back in 2000 when the original film came out it was a fresh, new and exciting idea, 11 years later the idea is stale and it needs new spice every once in a while.

With "Final Destination 5" the new spice is a new rule. Before it was, there was no escaping death. In the first film if you skipped the pattern then that person who was skipped would be saved. In part 2 it was new life could save those marked for death and so on. In part 5 the new idea is if you kill someone else, you take their life. Kind of out there, but it works. Part 5 still is very much of the same, really with any FD film everyone is going there to see the deaths not the movie itself. And to me the most exciting part of the movie is the premonition scene. Those deaths are usually pretty damn fast and gory as hell! However, in this film I felt it was a little lackluster. There wasn't really anything special about the deaths. I felt the filmmakers were just trying to use the stupid 3D to the best of their ability and never mind to the effectiveness of the scene.

A note about the 3D: I didn't see the movie in 3D (on purpose), however there were a few moments when stuff was thrown right at the screen or a death scene was played out to work well in 3D. But, overall I felt the filmmakers didn't really take advantage of the audience in any way, after all some of the people (like me) were going to be seeing the movie in standard 2D (as it should be seen anyway).

Overall, I enjoyed the film and I especially LOVED the end of the movie. I saw it coming as soon as I saw the establishing shot. I'm not going to ruin it for anyone, but it was really cool (in my opinion).

Yogi Bear (2010)

Before I even start this movie is so bad I couldn't even come up with a good quote to accompany it!

Yogi Bear was never a favorite of mine. I love Hanna-Barbera animation but Yogi was never one of my favorites. That said the only reason I saw this abortion of a movie was because I wanted to meet Dan Aykroyd who was at a local theater when it opened. That said what followed was the most predictable and stupid piece of trash I've seen in a long time.

Yogi Bear is voiced by Dan Aykroyd, nothing really wrong with this he was just average in the role. Boo Boo was voiced by Justin Timberlake and at first you probably are thinking "Really? Why?" well he blows the voice out of the water! He was amazing, he sounded just like Don Messick doing the voice! Other than Timberlake's voice portrayal, the movie has nothing more to offer.

The plot is very basic some corrupt guy wants to building something (who cares what) and he decides to try and take the land from Jellystone Park. Interestingly, if Jellystone is a NATIONAL PARK then no one can come and take the land from them, no matter what the reasoning, in this case lack of people coming to the park. So there's a giant as plot hole in this stupid movie. So Yogi and Boo Boo decide to take it upon themselves to save the park.

What a big surprise! The movie is bad, just bad. Hanna-Barbera movies made into live action films are usually hit or miss. There have been a few hits (Flintstone, Scooby-Doo, Josie & the Pussycats) and a few misses (Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas) and this one is definitely a HUGE miss. The movie is boring and isn't funny. There was only one funny moment in the movie and it was ruined in one of the trailers.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011)

"Get your stinking paw off me, you damn dirty ape!"

I will admit that at first this appeared to be a stupid movie. I've never enjoyed ANY of the "Planet of the Apes" films. Not the original, not the 2001 remake, none of them. I don't know what it was about them, they just never held my interest. So, when I heard there was yet another coming out, I thought to myself "Really?". After hearing the concept of the film I was slightly intrigued but still held it to myself that the movie was going to be bad. I was pleasantly surprised!

The movie is very basic, it's a prequel to the original film and it tells the story of how the apes took over the Earth. Not much more needs to be said. The story was interesting with the drug they used on the one ape and how it proved to make that ape incredibly intelligent. And how that same drug was proven to cure Alzheimer's disease, in the case of John Lithgow's character. However, as time goes on and the main Ape, named Caesar, is taken by animal control after he attacks someone, the drug is proven to not only be very good for humans but kills them as well.

The movie ends with an amazing battle between ape and man on the Golden Gate bridge. However at the end of the movie it is implied that the apes just wanted to get away from humans and live in the woods. My guess is, as it is also implied, that the human race is going to die out thanks to this drug and because the drug is helpful in apes the apes will rise (no pun intended). The apes didn't want to kill humans they just wanted to live separate from them.

Anyway, I was glad this movie was good, it's the first "Planet of the Apes" film that I actually enjoyed! The movie is a great action film with some decent CGI, however there was one particular scene where the apes are charging a building where it was very clear it was CGI, it looked pretty bad. Oh, and also, for any "Harry Potter" fan, Tom Felton (a.k.a. Draco Malfoy) was in the movie and he got fucked up one of the apes! So he finally got his comeuppance!

Across the Universe (2007)

"All you need is love"

Who would have ever thought that some day we would have a musical based around the songs of The Beatles? Well, maybe a lot of people, I don't know. This movie kind of slipped under my radar, I didn't even know anything about it until it was about to come to video, but I was very intrigued to see it and I'm glad it was made.

I'm a Beatles fan, I admit and I've seen Paul McCartney in concert TWICE! But that aside the fact that a movie was made using the songs of The Beatles made this very interesting indeed. The movie plot is very basic, it doesn't really exist. Like so many other films about the 1960s this movie is just that, it's ABOUT the 1960s. I've heard from people who were upset that this movie didn't have a plot, well it wasn't a conventional plot. When you make a movie about the 1960s there's really no reason to have a plot simply because of all the stuff going on the 60s that was enough to make a movie about. But the overall "plot" (if you will) is a basic love story. A guy (cleverly named Jude) comes to America from England looking for his biological father. He finds him and then magically that story is over. He runs into Max a loner who goes to Yale (or Harvard I can't remember) but doesn't want that since it's what his parents want. Jude immediately falls for Lucy, Max's sister, who is fresh off her romance with her boyfriend who was killed in Vietnam. After that the story really focuses mainly on them and their on again off again relationship.

Some might be wondering how exactly they used the songs in the movie. Well, I think they intertwined them very well. Before Jude heads off to America he says goodbye to his girlfriend singing "All My Loving". When Max is introducing Jude to his friends he sings "With a Little Help From My Friends". A gospel choir sings "Let It Be" during Lucy's boyfriend's funeral. One song that was cleverly used was "Dear Prudence". The character of Prudence (who was gay) locks herself in a closet and her friends sing "Dear Prudence" to her to coax her out. Oddly though there was a character named Sadie yet the song "Sexy Sadie" was never used.

The one thing I didn't like about the movie was there was a character that looked like Jimi Hendrix and even wore the same clothes as him (against his own wishes) but it wasn't Hendrix. I just didn't get why exactly they decided to have a character that looked like him but not have it be him. I'm not sure if they were alluding to the fact that it COULD be him or not. Also, I'm not sure on this one but I think Sadie was supposed to be Janis Joplin, but I'm not 100% on that one.

Overall the movie is very entertaining and very much a film about the 60s. The movie is very psychedelic. The performances are fantastic and the movie ends incredibly well with a rendition of "All You Need is Love" and not a word spoken (other than the lyrics) a very good love story indeed!

Ernest Goes to Camp (1987)

"All aboard that's going ashore!"

Who would have thought that a simple commercial would turn into a line of successful films?? Certainly the guys at Geico thought so...

Back in the late 80s and early 90s Jim Varney shot to stardom just from some commercials he made. Ernest P. Worrell was a commercial star who hocked pretty much anything. Before anyone knew it, he was a movie star. "Ernest Goes to Camp" was the first in a long line of Ernest films to be released. Jim Varney, of course, starred in the Touchstone Pictures film. In this film Ernest finds himself at a camp as a handy man, but he wants more, he wants to be a camp counselor. When a group of "Second Chance" kids come to the camp, the counselors decide to allow Ernest to take them under his wing. Hilarity ensues. In the meantime, a construction group is trying to buy the land the camp is on so they can build on it.

In my opinion this is the best Ernest film. It was the first and the best looking (being the only one of them shot in scope [2.35:1]). The jokes in it are very much like those in the other films. Varney had a knack for playing this character and he evidently loved it (he supposedly was filming an Ernest film when he died that was never finished or released). Being the first in the series it's missing a few things that became staples of the following films, mostly Varney playing numerous goofy characters and speaking directly to the camera. The film also has a moment that is not to be seen ever again in any of the other films, that scene being a small musical number from Varney. It's a touching song towards the middle of the song, but it feels very out of place in the movie.

Overall it's kind of hard to explain the impact of the character and the movies to current day audiences. The films were a very big part of my childhood. Five of the films (Goes to Camp, Saves Christmas, Goes to Jail, Scared Stupid and Rides Again) were theatrical films, while four of the films (Goes to School, Slam Dunk, Goes to Africa and In the Army) were direct to video films. Nonetheless the films remained funny though the last 2 lost something along the line. But everything comes back to "Goes to Camp". The Ernest character was so big that he had his own Saturday morning TV show ("Hey Vern, It's Ernest!").

"Goes to Camp" was funny enough to spawn more sequels though the films weren't incredibly successful. For their budgets they were successful but never broke any records. Nevertheless, without these films Jim Varney may have never had the career he did and we would have never had Slinky Dog in "Toy Story".

A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)

"How sweet, fresh meat!"

As stated earlier, New Line Cinema was so eager to cash in on Freddy Krueger that they seemed to not care about the quality of the script or the film to even care. They knew Freddy was big money and they were ready to make some big bucks off of him. Dream Warriors grossed over $44 million, more than the first and second film alone. It was the highest grossing Nightmare movie, so another sequel was inevitable. But with little preparation, they began work on The Dream Master.

The Dream Master is a direct continuation from part 3. With the three survivors of the film, Kristen (Knight), Kincaid (Sagoes) and Joey (Eastman). They are now back home and finally rid of Freddy....or so they think. Kristen is still paranoid about Freddy, and because of her paranoia she brings Freddy back. He quickly kills off the three, but not before Kristen can pass on her power of pulling people into her dreams onto her best friend Alice (Wilcox). Thus begins a continuing, and surprisingly interesting storyline in the Nightmare world. It’s up to Alice and her group of cliche friends to stop Freddy.

The Dream Master was an interesting yet somewhat stupid movie. I very much enjoyed the whole story idea of passing on this odd power to another person. I did not like how they recast Patricia Arquette with Tuesday Knight, who I personally think is a very bad actress. But, I would assume that Arquette did not want to return and with good reason. How exactly did Freddy go from dragging people up the wall and killing them on the ceiling to turning people into giant roaches? A lot of the deaths in this movie are stupid and just seemed like a way to use special effects in a time when special effects were coming into new light. There was an interesting death scene in which the character of Rick (Jones) has to fight an invisible Freddy. I don’t know if that was the way it was meant to be, or if something happened to prevent Robert Englund from being there that day, it doesn’t matter, it was still a very interesting scene.

By this time Freddy had become a gigantic star, spawning his own TV series Freddy’s Nightmares, which was basically a lower budget Twilight Zone series that Robert Englund hosted, as Freddy of course! But, because he had become a star and because New Line Cinema wanted more and more money, the once good series of films was beginning to suffer. Even though this is not particularly one of my favorite horror films, this movie is actually the highest grossing Nightmare on Elm Street film (not counting Freddy vs. Jason), grossing $49 million domestically. So of course, this was even more of an excuse to get another sequel out as quickly as possible, which turned out to be not such a great idea after all.

Day of the Dead (2008)

After 2004’s decent remake of Dawn of the Dead, I’m sure everyone was expecting a remake of 1985’s Day of the Dead. Well, it took 4 long years, but it finally happened. And, boy, do I wish it hadn’t. This movie started out…terribly, and it stayed that way all the way through. Granted, I did watch the whole movie, but to be honest I completely lost interest in the movie after the first hour and I wasn’t paying attention anymore. So I have no idea how it ended or anything like that, but nothing could save this terrible piece of trash. George A. Romero must be kicking himself for giving up the script for this movie, although I’m sure he was happy with his check.

This movie is extremely loosely based on the 1985 original. And when I say loosely, I mean the only thing that stuck was that it was all about the military. They tried to make it like Night of the Living Dead with no one knowing exactly what is going on, they don’t know anything about the zombies. Which makes absolutely no sense in this realm of remakes. If this is a remake of Day of the Dead then by all logical it should be a sequel to 2004’s Dawn of the Dead, so everyone should know about the zombies and everything, but no. Another thing that makes no sense is Ving Rhames is back in this movie, fine he escaped at the end of the first film, but he’s not playing the same character. In fact he is playing a character who was the main villain in the original film, but Rhames is in the movie for all of 10 collected minutes and is not a villain. So, why would you have the guy from the first film back simply to play a different character that gets killed immediately? Was this their sad attempt at getting a cameo by a previous Dead actor? If so, it was pathetic.

When I first saw the remake of Dawn of the Dead I was not happy either. But, with time it grew on me. What I hated the most about that movie was that the zombies could run now. In all of Romero’s movies the zombies could not run, they were slow moving creatures and I liked that. Well, in this movie not only can the zombies run, but they are basically acrobats now. They jump in the air, fly off walls, crawl on the walls, anything they want to now. The zombies in this film have become invincible, and that is awful. Also, I’m having a hard time accepting Mena Suvari as a tough military woman. And what the fuck is Nick Cannon doing in this movie? He plays the typical black guy who thinks everything is racist. Oh, that’s good for a laugh (notice the sarcasm).

This movie was released in April of 2008, direct to video. So that pretty much says it all. In short there was a reason why this was released direct to video.