The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)

"Stop and look around you, the glory that you see, is born again each day, don't let it slip away, how precious life can be!"

It had been 8 years since a Muppet movie had been released and only 2 years since Jim Henson had sadly passed away. But the movie that Jim Henson had originally wanted to be made was going to be made as a lasting tribute to him. "The Muppet Christmas Carol" was the first Muppet project produced after Jim Henson had died as well as Muppet performer Richard Hunt (performer of Scooter among others) who died in 1992. But what was produced was better than many probably would have expected.

The movie is very simple, a retelling of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, done a million times over but this one actually has Gonzo (performed by Dave Goelz) and Rizzo the Rat (performed by Steve Whitmire) narrating the film from within the film. Scrooge is played by Michael Caine and the film is directed by Brian Henson (Jim Henson's son). The critical role of Kermit (previously performed by Jim Henson) was handed off to Steve Whitmire and the role is done perfectly!

I feel the film works incredibly well because the environment they produce is perfect. Michael Caine was the best choice for Scrooge, the roles of the Muppets are wisely chosen. I think the best Muppet casting is Statler and Waldorf as Marley (& Marley) and they get their chances of heckling Scrooge! The songs are amazing including the "missing" song of "When Love is Gone" (missing for some reason from the widescreen version of the film on the DVD but on the full screen version). The songs are touching and can actually work very well as simply Christmas songs (like "It Feels Like Christmas" and "One More Sleep Till Christmas").

I think this is a very good tribute to Jim Henson (the film is dedicated to Henson and Hunt), out of respect Henson's "signature" character of Rowlf does not speak (nor does Dr. Teeth) and Hunt's characters of Scooter and Janice are silent as well (not to be heard again until "Muppets From Space" for Scooter and "It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie" for Janice). The movie is a pretty damn close adaptation of the novel and goes down as my personal favorite version of the story.

The Muppets (2011)

"Are you a Muppet or a man?"

It's been 12 years since The Muppets have graced the silver screen and they have finally returned. The movie was surprisingly amazing and incredibly touching especially for anyone who grew up with The Muppets. I grew up during a time when The Muppets were pretty damn popular. During the 90s The Muppets were popular enough to have 3 films come out as well as a revival of "The Muppet Show" in the incarnation of "Muppets Tonight". I also grew up with "Muppet Babies" as well as the movies that came before I was born. Sadly, after 1999's "Muppets From Space" the franchise died out and The Muppets were relegated to TV movies and direct-to-video movies.

The movie follows Gary (Jason Segal) and his brother Walter (a Muppet played by Peter Linz) on their way to Los Angeles where Walter wants badly to go on a tour of the Muppet Studios. Along for the ride is Mary (Amy Adams) who is Gary's girlfriend, who is going to L.A. to spend her anniversary with Gary. When they get there they realize the Muppet Studio is shambles and the theater is dire need of help when Tex Richman (Chris Cooper) decides to buy the studio & theater to tear them and dig for oil. So Gary & Walter go on a trip to find Kermit (played by Steve Whitmire) and get him to get the team back together and try and get the money to buy the theater back.

The movie has tons of great jokes that really made me laugh out loud. The songs were great, the story was very interesting and it ties the movies to the original TV show. There were a lot of jokes that I honestly don't think kids would get but it had jokes for kids too. I love movies that have jokes for both adults and children. The movie wasn't without it's downfalls. The big thing I didn't like about the movie is that I think the movie didn't really need the side story of Gary & Mary. Every time they cut back to that story I felt like it took you out of what was going on in the movie. I honestly didn't care about them and their relationship, it felt like it was out of place in this movie. I think Eric Jacobson who played Fozzie and Miss Piggy (sadly replacing Frank Oz, who opting out of returning) does not do a very good job as Fozzie. He's fine as Miss Piggy, but his voice is too high for Fozzie, I cringed a few times hearing his voice. And finally, I felt Gronzo was very left out of this movie. After the movie was over and I turned to friend and said this movie needed more Gonzo.

The new added Muppet of Walter I felt worked very well. I had a feeling he would be annoying and/or not fit well but he fit well with the original Muppets. He ends the show with an interesting little bit, but nothing takes away from the "Rainbow Connection" finale that is performed by all the Muppets and really gave me chills and brought a tear to my eye. I'm a self proclaimed Muppet fan and have loved all the movies and TV shows and seeing that song performed by all the Muppets really was touching and moving.

Overall I consider this as the best movie I've seen in 2011. It's got everything I could possibly ask for in a Muppet movie and I am very pleased with what I saw.

Jurassic Park (1993)

"If the 'Pirates of the Caribbean' breaks down the pirates don't eat the tourists!"

By 1993, Steven Spielberg had already proven himself as a talented film director. He had directed some of the biggest films of all time and continued to prove himself; 1993 would be no different. Just like he had in 1975 with "Jaws", he chose a popular novel and made it into a blockbuster film. That book was "Jurassic Park" written by the late Michael Crichton. The rest is history.

The film follows John Hammond who has built a theme park with real live dinosaurs created through DNA found from fossilized misquotes. He invites a team of scientists to the park before it is officially opened to get an idea from them how amazing the park is. But there's a traitor in the midsts who wants to steal the DNA samples from Jurassic Park to make a nice little profit. While trying to do this the fences are brought down and the dinosaurs get out!

This film is one of my absolute favorites. It's an amazingly fun adventure film. Is the film violent? Yes and no, there are a lot of killings in the movie but for the most part most of them are either off screen or there is something blocking most of the death. Is the movie scary? Yes it is, and I think that's what makes this movie fun to watch. Even now, 18 years after it was released it still is very entertaining to watch. The CGI does look slightly dated (especially the scene where we see the first dinosaur) but overall I feel it holds up pretty well. The whole idea is very entertaining and it holds your attention for the whole 2 hour ride. There's pretty much no lag time at all. The casting was spot on, especially that of Jeff Goldblum playing Dr. Ian Malcolm. I don't know what it is, but I can't get enough of Jeff Goldblum! He's just a great actor, in my opinion!

This film was incredibly successful and it spawned 2 sequels. Ever since "Jurassic Park III" came out in 2001 there have been rumors of a 4th film and I hope one day we eventually get one.

Red State (2011)

"I fear God, you better believe I fear God"

Kevin Smith hasn't impressed me since "Zack & Miri Make a Porno" way back in 2007. His 2010 outing with Bruce Willis & Tracy Morgan known as "Cop Out" fully let me down and his 2011 outing known as "Red State" followed suit and goes down as Smith's worst film to date.

The film is basically about this cult (for lack of a better word) who kills people for being immoral. There's nothing more to the film than that. 3 teenagers go out to the middle of nowhere where some woman has promised to have sex with all of them at the same time. Soon they are drugged and one of them wakes up in a cage. What follows is the longest and most boring monologue I've ever seen. Michael Parks plays a preacher character who goes on and on about immorality and how everyone should fear God. It takes about 3 1/2 seconds to realize that this is all a religious thing and that this is more of a cult than anything else. Well, they kill some guy for being gay and then one of the 3 teenagers breaks free finding a room full of guns and ammo. Once he shoots his gun a passing by police officer calls for backup and the craziness ensues. This is where John Goodman comes in. Goodman is one of my most favorite actors but sadly his performance isn't that great. Father time hasn't been too good to this man and he looks pretty bad. And as my brother put it and I believed it beforehand, he can't yell anymore; and he sure can't!

The movie is labeled as a horror film, but I don't think it is. I can't really tell you what kind of genre it is, but it's not really a horror film. Almost everyone in the movie dies and the movie is flat out boring. Nothing really happens in the movie, a majority of the film is a shootout between the crazy cult people and the ATF. There's a few semi shocking moments but overall Smith fails to impress me with this movie.

Going back to the boring monologue, it's surprises me how much Smith's own writing has changed in the past 15 years. His early movies were really well done writing wise and "Chasing Amy" still stands as my favorite screenplay ever. Why? Because the dialogue flows so well and the acting is great. In "Red State" the dialogue is boring and doesn't do anything for me. The acting is good, Michael Parks is really good in this movie, but the dialogue is flat and full of shit I just don't care about.

Kevin Smith hasn't had a good movie in 4 years and hasn't had a really great movie in 12 years. The last time he dealt with religion was with "Dogma" in 1999 and it was greatly done and entertaining, this time he decides to deal with religion and the government and it just doesn't work. The film ends [SPOILER!!] with the government admitting that they are deciding to treat most people they don't like as terrorists and taking them out. That's what they were doing with the cult. However, the cult fired on them and killed many of them so they had every right to attack them, plus the cult killed a few people in town for no real reason.

Needless to say the movie didn't do anything for me, and I consider this as Smith's worst film to date. I really hope that he can redeem himself at some point, but I feel that this 15 minutes of fame were over a long time ago.

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)

"You were the chosen one! It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them! Bring balance to the force, not leave it in darkness!"

So, when Episode I came out in 1999 I personally was looking more forward to Episode III for one simple reason, I knew it was going to be incredibly dark. Everyone knew that Episode III was going to have the lightsaber battle between Anakin and Obi-Wan and we knew that Anakin would become Darth Vader as well. So we were all looking forward to it. And, for once, with the prequels, I wasn't let down.

Episode III was just as dark as I had hoped and more. It was so dark that it was the only Star Wars film to receive a PG-13 rating. And it had to be dark, Darth Vader is portrayed as a terrible, horrible person who kills whoever gets in his way, so his origin had to be dark. Though you don't see it, Anakin kills almost everyone in the Jedi temple including small children (younglings as they call them). So needless to say the film was pretty damn dark.

The main story is about Anakin and his nightmare about Padme dying in childbirth. Since he had nightmares of his mother dying in Episode II and then it came true, he is very worried about this nightmare coming true. He needs to figure out a way to save Padme. Chancellor Palpatine uses this to his advantage and tells Anakin lies about learning ways of prolonging life if he simply turns to the dark side (without using those words, of course). Well, he finally turns to the dark side helping Palpatine kill Mace Windu. After that the killing begins!

The movie acts as a very good conclusion to the prequel trilogy and the ending of the film ties together the two trilogies pretty well. Though the film is damn good, I have to say there are a few things that makes the film suffer. One of them being the way Padme dies. They literally say in the film that she has "lost the will to live", seriously? Because Anakin turns to the dark side she just decides to stop living? They even claim they have no clue why she is dying. Such a stupid excuse. And why did she have to die? Couldn't she have just left the area and taken the twins with her? Also, speaking of twins, her on screen pregnancy was pretty craptacular. Look at the size of the twins she gives birth to, place them next to each other and there is no way she was carrying both of those twins! That just bothered me.

Oh, and who can forget the infamous "NOOOOO" that Darth Vader yells out after he finds out that Padme is dead. Darth Vader is the baddest motherfucker in the galaxy and he starts out with the big pussy reaction of "NOOOO"?? I honestly don't think George Lucas has ever even seen the original films, even though he made them, I don't think he's actually seen them. Also, I don't think the story of Anakin trying to save Padme as the reason he turned was kind of lame, but I guess Lucas really doesn't know how to do anything other than make fanboys come in their pants.

Overall, I rank this film just under Empire as the 2nd best Star Wars film, simply for the dark undertones and the fantastic acting, mostly from Ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan.

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)

"Someday I will be the most powerful Jedi ever"

Okay, so the utter disappointment in Episode I didn't hurt its box office whatsoever. We all knew Episode II was coming and we all knew it would be in 2002. The only thing we could all do was wait, and hope it would be better than Episode I. I remember in the fall of 2001 I went to see "Monsters Inc." solely because the Episode II teaser was attached to it. I was completely let down when the teaser was seriously just Darth Vader breathing. And before I can say anything else, why the fuck was it just that?? Darth Vader doesn't even make an appearance until the very end of Episode III, everyone knew Vader was not going to be in Episode II. Fucking stupid teaser.

Anyway the day came, I was 18 and I went to see the midnight showing, I was not allowed to see the midnight showing of Episode I cause my mother wouldn't allow me to be up that late on a school night, well I was still in high school and I said fuck it. I saw the movie... and I almost threw up! Personally, Episode II is the WORST in the entire series. The movie sucks so bad even the title was fucking retarded! First off, the movie is boring, none of the other films are boring but this one is. Second, they cast Hayden Christensen who couldn't act his way out of a paper bag. I seriously had no clue that George Lucas was capable of casting yet another awful actor in such an iconic role, but he sure did it!

This movie was supposed to do two things: show the romance between Anakin and Padme, and show the beginning of the evil side of Anakin. Well, they accomplished the first one and they did so badly they are basically rubbing it in your face. The second one was also accomplished but in a really crappy way. Yeah, Anakin went nuts when his mother dies in his arms and he kills all the Sand People in that little camp. Fine. But, instead of coming off as angry and evil he comes off much more as asshole then anything else. I didn't feel any sympathy for him when his mother died, I seriously couldn't care less, because George Lucas didn't make me care about him at all. And why is that? Because of his shitty half assed dialogue. Oh, and by the way, this movie has to have the worst line of dialogue I've ever seen in my life! And the line is from Anakin and goes like this:

"Master Obi-Wan would be very grumpy if he found me doing this"

I paraphrased that but the line is "very grumpy" for sure. Very grumpy?? Seriously? This man becomes the intergalactic Hitler and he says "very grumpy"?? Awful, awful dialogue and to make matter worse it was badly delivered too! Also, I feel Natalie Portman (whom I feel is actually pretty good in these films) was really bad in this movie. I love Natalie Portman but her performance in this film was just as bad as anybody else's.

The movie ends with 2 gigantic battle sequences. One between all the Jedi's and pretty much everyone else and the other between Obi-Wan, Anakin & Yoda and Count Dooku (played by the legendary Christopher Lee). Well, Anakin gets beaten like the bitch he is and Yoda comes in and saves the day. I remember being in the theater and when Yoda shows up and whips out his light saber, I yelled out "Oh shit! He's gonna get fucked up!" (Star Wars midnight screenings are always the best). So the movie ends and for some reason Anakin has some HUGE robotic arm to replace the arm he lost in his fight with Count Dooku. I'm not kidding, the arm just seems overly too big for his body. It's not that way in Episode III.

If I hadn't known that Episode III was going to be the darkest of the series, I might not have wanted to keep going after this film. This film just sucks, everything in it sucks. There's nothing exciting about this film at all. It's not even "so bad, it's good" nope, nothing. I admit I saw the film twice in the theater because I was going to try and see the Star Wars films as many times as I could (I saw Episode I three times in the theater) but twice was enough. The second time I remember wanting to leave about 10 minutes in. I've tried watching all 6 films in one day, but I can NEVER get all the way through Episode II without turning it off for a long while.

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering"

So back in 1999 Star Wars fans alike were all greatly anticipating the first Star Wars film in 16 years. I was also looking forward to it, but I wasn't as familiar with the series. My first experience seeing the films was with the 1997 Special Edition re-releases, nevertheless a new film was coming and everyone was excited. What they eventually saw would go down in history as one of the crappiest films ever made.

The first teaser trailer made everyone believe the film was to be about Anakin Skywalker's beginnings, you know Darth Vader as a little kid! Well, the actually film wasn't too much about him. The film was more about the early days of Obi-Wan Kenobi and his trainer or whatever, Qui-Gon Jinn. They are basically trying to help out the planet of Naboo from an illegal blockade from the Trade Federation. They end up finding Anakin on the planet of Tatooine where he is living as a slave. After an incredibly long and unnecessary podrace scene Anakin is granted his freedom and accompanies Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan to Courasant where he is presented to the Jedi Counsel. They agree he might be the "chosen one" but he can't be trained because of the dark feelings Yoda senses in him. Everyone decides to go back Naboo and fight the good fight. There Anakin somehow is able to "accidentally" destroy the Trade Federation mother ship and in turn saves the day.

Obviously I left some stuff out but for the most part that's the plot of the film. There were a lot of problems myself and many others had with this film. The biggest problem was Jar Jar Binks. Some weird looking fish type creature who's more annoying than anything else. There was really no reason for his character whatsoever. From what I've read Lucas created that character to try and draw in more kids or some crap. If I was a younger kid (I was 15 at the time) I'd probably hate him even more than I originally did!

The main problem I had with this movie and the prequels in general was the terrible acting and dialogue. The dialogue wasn't too bad in this one but the acting sucked ass, especially that from Jake Lloyd, the little kid who (horribly) played Anakin. If you want a good example of the terrible acting take a look at the scene where Qui-Gon and Padme first meet Anakin.

And then comes the contradictions made with the original trilogy. The big one being that in "The Empire Strikes Back" Obi-Wan said that Yoda was the Jedi Master who trained him, and then in this film it was Qui-Gon-Jinn who trained Obi-Wan. In "A New Hope" R2-D2 says that he used to belong to Obi-Wan Kenobi but he reacts as saying "I don't ever remember owning a droid", and yet in the prequels R2-D2 is with Obi-Wan all the fucking time!

Overall the movie is decent but goofy at the same time. The amount of time spent on the podrace is completely insane. The characters are annoying and the contradictions kind of ruin the other films for you. I saw the movies the way they were made, Episode IV through VI and then the prequels, I'd really like to meet someone who never saw any of them and saw them Episode I through VI.